please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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