All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
