I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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