He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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