Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
