She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
