the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
