Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
