...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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