The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
