this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
