You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
