Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
