This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
