So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
