You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My dad is sitting where you rode me
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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