You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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