Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
