One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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