At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
