Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
