Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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