took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
