why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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