Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize