hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Do you still have your period?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
