my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
