her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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