Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
