You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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