my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
