I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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