i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
