remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
