I just made out with a guy for $7.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
