o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
