Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
well I can't set my house on fire every night
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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