some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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