i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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