Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We need a shit load of segways right now
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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