Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
