Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
