im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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