Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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