Just fell off a train. Bad.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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