it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
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just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
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As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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