I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
