I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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