bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
