All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
