I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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