I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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