Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
with your own penis?
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I party with great urgency now.
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