uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
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She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
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Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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