So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
