How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
