the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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