wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
