the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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