I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
