why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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