Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
