I hate all girls vehemently.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
