New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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