either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
