I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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