Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
