I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
