u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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