broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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