I wish my penis had an off switch
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
