she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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