you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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