I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
