Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
