that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
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