Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
