I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
