What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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