They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
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My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
