i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
