the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
