I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
