Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
