He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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