lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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